I'm presenting my senior project at the UW Spring Celebration today. It's for the work I do at camp. A few weeks ago, I sent the summer staff application to the lists that I'm on, in hopes of finding staff for this summer's sessions. I emailed the queer center, my major's listserv, and the listserv for the grant I received, for which I am presenting today. I received a response from a guy on the grant listserv, quote:
"Why am I receiving this queer propaganda? Through what deranged thought processes does one conclude that a random recipient may be interested in further disseminating or participating in the fag agenda? I demand to be removed from your mailing list! That is all. "
That was the entirety of it, but it freaked me out. I emailed the grantor director and told her that I sent it b/c I thought the list was a safe place, and I thought they should know that I received such a hateful email. She, and her co-worker, called him in to talk to him about using the listserv for such awful communication. So now he knows I turned him in. That was a couple of weeks ago. This week I got an email then a phone call from the grantor director's assistant, wanting to make sure I was feeling OK. She also said that when the director spoke with him face-to-face, she felt very uncomfortable with him. "He has some very strong opinions on the matter." Well yes, that's obvious.What freaks me out is that I've never directly been hit like this. Sure, I've been called some mean things, but I've never really felt threatened. But in today's climate, with a woman recently murdered in my building (not at all homophobia related - it was domestic violence to the extreme), I'm feeling very vulnerable. I have no protections today at this event, and I will be standing at my table with my big gay poster, feeling very exposed. Chances are I'll be absolutely fine, but you just never know with people like this. He could be full of hot air, or he could be one of the extremists who thinks all gay people should die. Who knows? All I know is that I'm really looking forward to being done with this presentation. It's been a slap-in-the-face reminder that people will hate me just for the company I keep.
It's a reminder to be careful, but also to be bold...to not shrink back into my shell because of fear. I can't let people like this break me. It's a reminder that what I do for the kids at our camp is in the hopes that they will not have to face such ugly people as this guy. But if they do, they will hopefully have the confidence in themselves to not believe such horrible things - to know they are incredible people, worthy of love and admiration. We are all survivors because we choose to live well in spite of the hate out there.
