starlings

I run in this well spinning spinning fast in circles up the wall, falling to the dirt floor when momentum fails me. Starting over again not giving up four years now, smoothing the brick so my path isn't so bumpy. A rope & bucket - was it here before? I grab hold and climb - the circle of sky is expanding Light hits my face and I nearly fall from the shock of it. My feet are on thick green grass and I run. Cartwheels! Like I didn't have legs before now. So long since I've seen these spirits I swoop them all up and we all run together Up trees, on rocks in rivers, examining worldpools and laughing at the poetry of it all.

Something yellow is up the road - starry light explosion propelling the golden beast that I now realize is a bus. I chase it like a puppy thrilled with this game - singing loud to the music surrounding me. I am out of breath and lay down in the lush grass to listen to the music, the wonders around me warming me from within as the bus gets smaller and smaller until it disappears in the sun.

On different same journeys.

your girl

They're Coming to Your Town

I found Julia Sweeney's blog yesterday. It was one of the spotlighted blogs on my main blogger page. It was interesting! She's an environmentalist, her mom lives in Spokane, she's in LA doing a comedy (i assume?) show with Jill Sobule...I don't know who she is but I went to her blog and found her link of the day: They're Coming to Your Town

Really? What people spend their time on...

motivationally challenged

1. remove big TV from home - no TV this summer!
2. count-down till May 1st: 22 days (!)
3. admire stylish green clothing designs (see right)

carkeek stroll

I got distracted by taking pictures today and almost got blocked in by the rising tide (and ended up landing on my already-broken knees as I slid on slimy rocks while trying to race the water). Lesson #1 in reclaiming my love for the outdoors: Pay Attention!

Boise & Babies

It's Friday night and I just got back from project leader training in Boise. I met all six of my project leaders for my program, and I'm left feeling exhilarated. It's the dream job I was hoping for, with so much possibility. There's been lots of shit over the last four months, but meeting everyone - all the pls, plus the boise and charlestown staff was great. Everyone is so nice, and it's great to have faces to all the people I have been talking with all this time.

I'm going to be learning to lead better by encouraging others to lead better. I'm so excited - not to mention how much I'm absorbing and learning as I go. I'm inspired - I want to do the best jop and be fantastic support for these people. And I already feel like I've learned from them as well. They are going to teach me how to be a better leader, while they look to me to do the same. How cool is that?

I'm liking traveling too, but tonight's flight SUCKED. It was really bumpy the whole way - I get so ridiculous - I felt like I was going to die, kept mantras going like "smooth," and "I'm on a train, the tracks are bumpy," trying to remember the Chicago trains I rode when I commuted. I was next to an older man from Madrid - he's the VP of Nicklaus Something or Other, Jack Nicklaus the golfer's companies. He also owns two golf courses, too, one in the South of Spain and one on an island in the mediterranean. Crazy. He was nice though, and helped me get through the rough flight.

I had a great walk in Boise along the greenbelt - a path behind the hotel along the snake river. You walk out of the hotel in the back, and if you turn left and walk 45 minutes on the paved path you are in downtown Boise. To the right is almost immediately a dirt/sand path, very windy with frequent small sandy and rock beaches. It was so pretty - very peaceful. It inspired me to walk more. I'm also really thinking about having kids in the Fall, so I'm especially getting motivated to get my body in shape for carrying a child.

Speaking of babies, Becky is pregnant! She's due in November - Matt called me today. I'm so happy for them both. Jenny's also due any day now - the 16th I believe. New babies in the family!

m

one day i'll do great things

I say this to myself often, but it's a horrible mentality to have. I should be, and am, doing great things now. It's the "grass is always greener" way of thinking that makes me unfulfilled and insecure about myself.

I was in a conversation with Brian & Derrin this week about bigfoot (we were camping on Camano Island), that lead to talking about other worldly things (like dimensions - could something like bigfoot actually exists right here with us now but in a separate dimension?), then about the pyramids and how no one knows how they were built, that there were sightings of something similar on Mars, then finally (and to my point), how December 21, 2012 was prophesized as the day the earth blows up, due to a certain planetary alignment during winter solstice that day. The Mayans apparently predicted this, and since they successfully predicted numerous other disastrous world-events of the near and far past, this is a pretty big deal to a whole lot of people.

So I'm thinking, if the world does blow up in just five years, that doesn't give me a lot of time to get to the point of doing great things. For some it takes a lifetime, and what the hell does "great things" mean, anyway? Being well-known? I'll just assign myself that question: How do I define the great things in life that I want to accomplish?

rearing its ugly head

I'm presenting my senior project at the UW Spring Celebration today. It's for the work I do at camp. A few weeks ago, I sent the summer staff application to the lists that I'm on, in hopes of finding staff for this summer's sessions. I emailed the queer center, my major's listserv, and the listserv for the grant I received, for which I am presenting today. I received a response from a guy on the grant listserv, quote:

"Why am I receiving this queer propaganda? Through what deranged thought processes does one conclude that a random recipient may be interested in further disseminating or participating in the fag agenda? I demand to be removed from your mailing list! That is all. "

That was the entirety of it, but it freaked me out. I emailed the grantor director and told her that I sent it b/c I thought the list was a safe place, and I thought they should know that I received such a hateful email. She, and her co-worker, called him in to talk to him about using the listserv for such awful communication. So now he knows I turned him in. That was a couple of weeks ago. This week I got an email then a phone call from the grantor director's assistant, wanting to make sure I was feeling OK. She also said that when the director spoke with him face-to-face, she felt very uncomfortable with him. "He has some very strong opinions on the matter." Well yes, that's obvious.

What freaks me out is that I've never directly been hit like this. Sure, I've been called some mean things, but I've never really felt threatened. But in today's climate, with a woman recently murdered in my building (not at all homophobia related - it was domestic violence to the extreme), I'm feeling very vulnerable. I have no protections today at this event, and I will be standing at my table with my big gay poster, feeling very exposed. Chances are I'll be absolutely fine, but you just never know with people like this. He could be full of hot air, or he could be one of the extremists who thinks all gay people should die. Who knows? All I know is that I'm really looking forward to being done with this presentation. It's been a slap-in-the-face reminder that people will hate me just for the company I keep.

It's a reminder to be careful, but also to be bold...to not shrink back into my shell because of fear. I can't let people like this break me. It's a reminder that what I do for the kids at our camp is in the hopes that they will not have to face such ugly people as this guy. But if they do, they will hopefully have the confidence in themselves to not believe such horrible things - to know they are incredible people, worthy of love and admiration. We are all survivors because we choose to live well in spite of the hate out there.