from a bug's eye view

I want these!

2012-02-07T20:19:00.003-08:00

valentines

2012-02-07T19:46:00.004-08:00

Well, the Fun-A-Day project lost steam before half of the month was through. I felt OK about it, actually. I decided to make some things for Valentines, and to focus on some other parts of life, like the people in it.

The weird thing about that project was that I was recording all of these words - these things that I wanted to bring into my life, but I was more focused on making something to hang on the wall, and less on appreciating those things in my life.

Anyway, I made a banner for the living room, then made a wall-hanging (not quite done in this picture). It's been fun!

day nine: forgiveness (fun-a-day)

2012-01-11T22:49:00.000-08:00

I love working with maps, and thought it was a perfect background for my intention of the day: forgiveness. Forgiveness for roads traveled, and forgiveness for acts by those who were with me on those roads. I had a big moment several weeks ago when I realized how much shame was eating away at me. I realized I need to forgive myself for my past. It's not even that I've done terrible things - it's more about things I regret saying to someone, or something I did in my life that may have hurt someone. I can't change the things in my past, but I can learn from them. And forgive myself for them.

(I did pick Chicago on purpose, since that's where a lot of my past was spent, but I don't have to forgive Chicago for anything - I still love that town!)

day eight: motivation (fun-a-day)

2012-01-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

This is Mount Rainier - can you tell?

This came to me today while I was attending the public memorial service for the ranger I mentioned earlier. It was a beautiful and heart-breaking service, and one that I don't think I'll ever forget.

The mountain itself, combined with Motivation, makes a ton of sense to me. It represents many things:

- It's my view from my office. I somehow got a fantastic, unobstructed view of Mt. Rainier out my window, and 14 years into living here, it still makes my heart skip a beat whenever I see it

- I heard someone state today that the mountain stands as a permanent memorial to Margaret Anderson. When leaving the service, the previously cloudy view was stunning in clear, blue skies. As a memorial, it reminds me to appreciate my life because you never know how long you have.

- The mountain itself is somewhere I want to spend more time - it represents a spiritual and physical health that I need more of in my life.

day seven: perspective (fun-a-day)

2012-01-10T23:22:00.000-08:00

(I'll post a better picture later - I keep
finishing these projects at night and I don't
have great lighting inside for photos.)

Everyone could use a little perspective.

This is Willa's onesie from when she when a bit under 5 lbs. It's incredibly tiny!

Fourteen months later she's almost 20 pounds. She blows raspberries on our bellies, says "tickle tickle," knows some sign language....I could go on and on. She's completely amazing and is constantly reminding me to pay attention to what matters.

day six: connection (fun-a-day)

2012-01-08T16:55:00.000-08:00

Connection is a word I wrote down on New Year's - it can be applied to so much! Connection with my self, my relationships, nature...everything, really. Instead of focusing on where I'm going, I'd really like to concentrate on where I am in each exact moment. This seems to be a tough one these days.

I decided to move away from embroidery today, and had some fun with wire instead.

day five: strength (fun-a-day)

2012-01-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

day four: know your soul (fun-a-day)

2012-01-04T23:14:00.000-08:00

Not a great picture today - I'll post a better one later. I also hope to embroider this on a different paper, but for now, at 11pm after an 11 hour day, I'm heading to bed.

But first, the inspiration for today's affirmation/intention. I stumbled across this poem today by Walt Whitman in Leaves of Grass, a 1942 copy that I've had for years but have never opened:

I have perceiv'd that to be with those I like is enough,

To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,

To be surrounded by beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing flesh is
enough,
To pass among them or touch any one, or rest my arm ever so lightly
round his or her neck for a moment, what is this then?

I do not ask any more delight, I swim in it as in a sea.

There is something in staying close to men and women and looking
on them, and in the contact and odor of them, that pleases the
soul well,

All things please the soul, but these please the soul well.

Love this.

day three: love (fun-a-day)

2012-01-03T19:44:00.000-08:00

So, sad story. A woman named Margaret Anderson died today at Mt. Rainier. She was a law enforcement park ranger and was shot by a man who had blown through a routine traffic stop. My work scheduled a meeting about it first thing this morning, and it's been heavy on my mind all day.

It's been a giant reminder to acknowledge and appreciate all the love in my life, and a reminder to express my love to those who are so important to me.

RIP Margaret Anderson.

day two: patience (fun-a-day)

2012-01-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

This popped into my head while I was with my incredibly tired toddler who is learning to kick, hit, bite, and climb. The more tired she is, the more likely she is to do one of these things. My sleep is less and less these days, and the year has not started out exactly as I had hoped. I can get lost in all of the things I want to accomplish - from cleaning the kitchen to creating a business to taking a nap. Instead of feeling overwhelmed at all of this, I am exploring ways in which I can bring more patience into my life.

day one: integrity (january fun-a-day)

2012-01-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

I saw a post about this event and had to sign right up! Each participant picks a project and does it everyday for all of January. Then in mid-February, all participants display their projects at a local venue. Unfortunately there's nothing like this in Seattle yet, so I've signed up for one in Portland (http://www.funadaypdx.com) on February 11th.

My project: one affirmation or intention, in craft form, every day. I can pick any craft to represent the affirmations, and at the end I'll display them all together. I love how this ties into the new year - instead of resolutions, I'm going to focus on what I want to nurture in my life every day, in a creative way.

Today's word-of-the-day: integrity

[in-teg-ri-tee]; the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished

There were several definitions, but I liked the one above best. To me, "being whole" includes putting my intentions into action. Simply, doing what I say (or think) I'm going to do. Like crafting/art. Making good food. Exercising my brain and body. Being the person I want my daughter to know me to be. Being the person I know me to be.

December craft party

2011-12-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

Craft Party #2! I had a few more folks over this time and almost finished a new project (just a bit more to do..). It was so fun to get some quality time with friends, with the bonus of learning some new crafts. Thanks to everyone who joined me!

Kate's giant felted stocking!

my stockings made of leather - we'll see how it works out

Cristopher joins in!

Laura's smart phone mittens - beautiful!
(Laura, I love this picture of you! If only it didn't cut off your eyes...)

my first craft brunch - finally!

2011-12-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

After years of wanting to pull something together, I finally hosted my first craft party! Here are some pictures from the day. I am so excited to finally have a space to work with friends, and can't wait for the next one.

Joy's felted mushroom

My so-ugly-it's-perfect curtain

six months

2011-05-18T14:21:00.001-07:00

embroidery hoop decor idea

2011-05-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

So pretty!
http://luziapimpinella.blogspot.com/

den idea

2011-05-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

I love this room. We have a den/family room adjoining the kitchen now, and we were given two small butter-yellow couches that we put there with the tv. The walls are split with cream and putty walls. The room needs a major splash of color! This gives me some great ideas.

I find the picture on this blog.

starburst clock

2011-04-21T12:34:00.001-07:00

We just moved three weeks ago to a rambler and I'm more obsessed than ever with mid-century decor. Should I buy this? $50.

abandoned window display

2011-04-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

I was walking up Jackson Street today and ran across an empty storefront that was under construction. Except for one lovely window display. Very nice! Bus days always bring something new...(oh yeah it was also sunny!)

dining chairs revisited

2011-03-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

I have had this idea for years and have always wanted to one day find a great fabric and a few more older chairs to reupholster. I love the idea of having all different chairs come together with the same paint and/or fabric. I found this picture tonight - green gingham, no less!

Jewelry Inspired

2011-03-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

http://www.gilt.com/sale/women/fashion-forward-earr/product/61614024

I was sitting in a work meeting about environmental stewardship, and for a long time all I could do was think up new designs for earrings. I was inspired by some of what the women around me were wearing. I drew a few designs for the leather samples I have had forever, and I hope to get working as soon as we move into the new house (a week from tomorrow!). In the meantime, I fell in love with these tonight.

mid-century modern mania

2011-03-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

My hobbies have shifted! I've found that having a newborn has lead me to find new interests. Well, not new, but more specific. I've appreciated a certain style of design for quite a while, but suddenly (over the past couple of months), I've become a bit obsessed over all things mid-century modern. I think about my grandma's amazing starburst clock (that I thought was over the top when I was younger, yet clearly left an impression), or some of my mom's things that were just given away quickly before they moved out here. If I could, I'd be stalking ebay, thrift stores, and estate sales every day. I kind of already do, thanks to a new smartphone and all the notifications I get for all the sales around me. Even esty has an app!

I believe it all started because I have a beautiful mid-century coffee table that I ended up with after a breakup. The top is in desperate need of a sanding and restaining, which I hope to do (and post before and after pics) soon!

In the meantime, I have found several websites to dive into, one is which is mid2mod, where this picture of a room divider came from. Isn't it beautiful?

We're moving in two weeks to a new place, where I'm hoping to have a resurgence in interest to refinish some of my furniture. It's a decent sized house where we can have a creative space (a sewing room!) along with workshop space in the garage. I'm so excited to move!

In the meantime, my recent favorite sites to stalk:

http://retrorenovation.com/
http://mistermodtomic.blogspot.com/
http://mid2mod.blogspot.com/

my last favorite

2011-01-18T22:58:00.000-08:00

This picture is a couple of weeks old - she's now almost 11 weeks. I can't believe it!

11 days old today

2010-11-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

What fun!
(this pic was from several days ago)

the boss of me

2010-10-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

I lost my job last week. One week before my due date, I was called and told that my job would be moved to Boise, starting in January. I was about to go on maternity leave until March, but now I'll be jobless (income-less) by December 31st.

Without going into it (it feels like all I've talked about since last Thursday), it feels super unjust, but I can't help but feel like maybe this is a blessing in disguise. It gives me the opportunity to fantasize about making a business for myself. Could I possibly combine my love of crafting, homesteading, soon-to-be parenting and blogging into a career?

This blog might turn into another one, or I might just continue here, recording all that comes up as I venture into this new world of parenting & trying to make a life outside of the 9-5. Wish me luck.

Oh and this website so far has given me so much hope!

mantel idea

2010-10-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

How did I just now discover www.decor8.com?

gratuitous hair pic

2010-10-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

because I will never be able to style it like my hairstylist does..

single dad laughing

2010-10-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

What a powerful post.

"Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you."

balance

2010-09-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

I checked out an old friend's blog today. She started it a few days ago when her husband left for an 8 month traveling job - it seems like a great way to check in with herself during a time of huge adjustment. As someone about to have a huge adjustment of my own, I thought it was a fabulous idea. I borrowed the above graphic from her website as a reminder to myself to find balance in my life during a time that will most definitely be swayed heavily in the direction of being a new mom. I couldn't be more excited about that role, but I do need to make sure I'm checking in with myself so I don't let everything else in my life go by the wayside.

My hope is to eventually make my own graph with a few different categories. But this one certainly will do for now!

week 30 belly shot

2010-09-04T18:32:00.001-07:00

(two weeks ago)

purple and orange baby room?

2010-09-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

Two months to go and I only last week made some decisions about the baby room. I originally thought I'd just leave it white and make the rest of the room cute with colorful accessories. I always hesitate to alter the rentals I live in for fear that I won't stay long, but the nesting must have hit full force last weekend when I got back from two weeks away. One week later and I've made some strides in the room that has been primarily a dumping ground since we moved in in April.

We moved the crib to an an inside wall, and the dresser closer to the outlet (where the crib had temporarily been placed). We bought some wooden shelves from Fred Meyer, and some really cute drapery fabric with the light-blocking fabric ($2.50/yard!) to go with it. I also decided last week that I would indeed paint the room, so I've been getting paint swatches and looking up color schemes.

I'm pretty set on painting the walls a light orange - not too peachy or yellow, which turns out to be a hard thing! I found this website today giving examples of orange room designs - this is just one (by Maria Killam) of many beautiful photos:

I like knowing the meaning & emotions some folks associate with particular colors, so I checked out orange and found the following:

"Orange, being the combination of red and yellow...exudes warmth, acts as an appetite stimulant and spreads exuberance. ...it gives an emotional uplift."

"Requires the eye to focus, therefore objects seem closer and larger."

I'll post a before and after picture once I get going on the actual work - we have two great friends visiting soon who've offered to help us paint. I'm really excited - it'll be the first room I've ever designed!

Also, check out this furniture! It makes me realize I could potentially coordinate all of the colors on the paint samples...

baby leg warmers

2010-09-01T22:51:00.001-07:00

These are genius and I want so many! I was considering seeing if I could make some with socks - I could just hem them at the end. But in the meantime these are ADORABLE:

This image is from Baby Legs, but I've also seen them at Huggalugs.

The best part is that they fit kids from 0-6 years old. I've got to get myself one and see if it'll work to make others from socks - I could go broke buying all the different colors & patterns!

first family photo

2010-06-15T16:03:00.001-07:00

(20 weeks - half way through!)

The Field House - Old School Teachings

2010-05-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

http://helloblackbird.blogspot.com/search/label/Classes

I'm sad to miss the upcoming classes (whiskey appreciation-yum), but I'll definitely keep an eye out for future topics.

prego

2010-05-11T15:31:00.001-07:00

I've been a bit distracted with the move and with the baby on the way! Here's a quick update - I am indeed getting bigger. :-)

The left side is 9 weeks, and the right was yesterday, at 15 weeks:

back to urban farming

2010-04-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

All month I've been working on moving from the apartment I've lived in for the past six years, to a house a bit further north. The house is actually 250 square feet smaller than our current apartment, but is on about 1/3 of an acre. The house was built in 1926 by a woman named Hazel Wolf (not THE well-known Hazel Wolf, but it turns out she was very similar - progressive, also lived to over 100 years old, and was all about working the land and raising goats, chickens, crops, etc), and she lived there for 60 years before her death. It's now owned by her niece, from whom we're renting.

This blog started as a mostly urban homesteading blog, then for many reasons I turned more to crafting. While my plan is to continue with both, I'll be spending lots of my time working the land of this new house to create a more sustainable way of living. I'm totally inspired by what this land once was, and plan to enjoy it to it's fullest. As a renter it's too easy to say that I don't want to put the work in to something I don't own, but as a 36 year old who has always rented, I'm getting really sick of that excuse!

Today I found a great article with some fantastic links to Bay Area resources, but where are these resources in Seattle? I know they're out there...

After some searching, I found this. I'll be looking into more local links, so stay tuned!

More to come - the big move is this weekend and I'll post pictures as we start settling in.

on hiatus

2010-04-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

I've definitely been on hiatus a while - lots of big changes in my life. More info to come, but once I get back into the swing of things I'll be back to updating this blog. I'm itching to craft and explore more!!

Cool Old Stuff

2010-01-16T16:01:00.000-08:00

http://coololdstuff.com/showSite62.html

I just found this resource of a website. "Vintage Clothing: Patterns, Sewing, Textiles."

Great!

Queer Farmer Project

2010-01-08T12:21:00.001-08:00

This is so exciting to me. Makes me want to find my farm out there..

gorgeous table & future/current projects

2009-10-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

First off, I just ran across this on Design Sponge. I have a coffee table I ended up with after a breakup, and the top of it is screaming for a renovation. It's not quite this shape, but it's that same 50s style. I'm totally inspired!

In other news: I've been making more baby bibs, a pack of pocket protectors made with old atlases and contact paper, and I've redone my craft space, otherwise known as my living room. Very much looking forward to moving in April and finding somewhere with enough space for more projects!

baby bandana drool bib

2009-10-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm obsessed with making these baby bibs, some with embroidery, some with terry cloth backings - all made from thrift store finds or from my closet.

revolution coin purse

2009-10-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

We're having our camp volunteer appreciation party tonight. We're supposed to bring a <$10 gift for a gift exchange, and something to eat. Although the total cost of supplies was under $3, I spent a good hour and a half making it. So technically I guess it's not under $10 but once I got started I couldn't really stop, could I? Anyway it's inspired me to mess around more with pinch purses. The leather colors are camp colors, the rainbow is for my queerios, and "revolution" is from a quote from a camper turned counselor at one of the last night campfires, "This is not just a camp, it's a revolution."

(totally hand-stitched, one side green leather and the other a dark blue)(shout out to yogi)

eating wild

2009-10-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

How did I not know about this before?

revisiting september

2009-10-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

I've been quite remiss in writing over the past several months. The summer was filled with travel for work, going to camp, and enjoying the warm (unusually!) warm Seattle summer. I had a great summer and wanted to make sure to post some of the experiences here.

canning experience #1

2009-10-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

I had my first canning experience last night. Last week we were in Southern Idaho visiting C's grandma, and while there we picked probably 10 lbs of plums and a full large box of corn. C blanched, cut-off, and froze 12 cups of corn, and we still have probably a dozen ears left...

Then last night I finally got around to making jam. Plum Ginger Lemon jam. Sounds delicious, right? I followed directions, but I doubled the recipe, which I read later isn't a good idea. We boiled the jam a long long time and it would not get over 215 degrees (it's supposed to hit 220), so we finally just filled the jars with half the jam mixture, boiled them and put them aside. We added pectin to the remaining jam, to try to compensate for the low temperature.

This morning we have half plum ginger syrup and half of what may turn out to be jam. Damn.

Regardless of the success (or not), the experience has made me recommit to the idea of buying seasonally. C and I agreed last night to primarily do our shopping on Sundays at the Farmers Market. We also committed to a lower food budget so we'll see if those two things can go hand in hand.

Either way I'm excited to try it out. And I'm hoping to try jam again in the near future. What a bummer to have so much syrup from SO many plums.

etsy shop

2009-07-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

My latest - and I opened up my etsy shop! I just have a few things up there, so stayed tuned!

I will also be selling my items at a new shop on Boat Street in Seattle, the Green Chair Project - they're having their Grand Opening July 31st. Looks like a great space with a wonderful mission! http://greenchairproject.com/

recycled business cards

2009-07-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

I might start selling my necklaces! More details to come once I know for sure, but there's a local studio/store opening at the end of this month and I'm meeting with a woman from the space on Tuesday to show her my stuff (which I need to make more of!). I got my business license last week and am looking up business cards now, which is where I found this - very cool idea!

let the foraging begin

2009-06-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

This link was brought to my attention on facebook - it's got me very excited to start foraging! I'm heading down to Plum Tree Park in the Central District on my way home this afternoon. Wish me luck.

In the article are links to two great websites, veggietrader.com and neighborhoodfruit.com. The latter only has a couple of Seattle spots listed - I'm positive there are much much more. If nothing else it motivated me to get out there to start looking!

Another cool website I found: The Scavengers Manifesto

project 365 - a tough call

2009-05-31T20:50:00.000-07:00

Here's my 2nd choice photo for today's project 365 pic. Click here for my 1st choice.

catfish and mandala

2009-05-31T20:46:00.001-07:00

I highly recommend this book! So far it's a captivating read - I've spent a decent amount of time the last couple of days reading this book. It's over-due at the library and I'm trying to get through it so I can return it when I get back from training. Anyway here's a picture of my favorite reading spot on Payette Lake. What a find...

project 365 - Day One

2009-05-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who always had his huge camera with him and would take a random shot every once in a while. Now i realize he was doing this. A photo a day for a year. I want to do it! No time like the present...

Here's the guy that I believe started this project - there are many many people out there who are doing this - this link will show you the hows and whys of the project, as well as where to find other people's Project 365 photos.

this week: a photo montage

2009-05-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

I had a great week of gardening and got a chance to get out in a boat. Here are a bunch of pictures from the week - mostly of the native garden I just planted outside our living room window. Happy, happy spring!

it was a stunning day...

a heron?

can't wait to see how these grow...

I'm finally going to see if I can grow columbine:

before:

after:

lulabelle unknowingly gets into the photo shoot:

spring has sprung - i think.

2009-05-04T11:37:00.001-07:00

Here it is! The garden's latest incarnation. We have, from left to right: 2 artichokes (starts), pole beans and snap peas (seeds), cauliflower (starts), strawberries (from a large container at home), brussel sprouts (starts), potatoes (already in the garden - they were a surprise), beets (already there), green onions (already there plus we planted bulbs), lettuce (starts), chard (already there) and leeks (seeds). C is standing near the potatoes and greens.

How exciting is this? I'm sure we'll lose some stuff, but since we have a full garden I'm kind of counting on it so we can plant some later season crops. I'm thrilled, and we had such a fantastic day yesterday doing all of this planting.

Helen is the woman who's garden is behind ours - the one with all the berries. She a very nice older woman who's been gardening here for 30 years. The bed we have now had been hers for many years. She used to have 6 plots, I believe, and she's been giving them up one by one. She now has two left. She's sort of famous in the p-patch, and everyone keeps telling us how lucky we are to have her patch. It's true - it's amazing soil and she's a wonderful woman. We were very fortunate with this one - definitely worth the wait.

egg's nest

2009-05-03T11:50:00.001-07:00

I was inspired by an etsy find the other day and thought I'd give it a try. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out - I would change the chain and maybe use all the same color wire. But all in all I love it, and for some reason it makes me happy to wear it. Maybe because having a little egg of my own has been much on my mind lately...

I also love this idea for an egg's nest necklace.

leather samples

2009-04-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I discovered Creation Station in Lynwood - it's a craft store that sells random craft items that were donated or purchased cheaply by them. Recycled craft goods. I found a full box of leather samples - 5" x 8" samples of varying colors. I've fallen in love with working with the leather, but I haven't found just one thing to do with it. Here's a sampling of what I've done so far. The buttons on the wrist bands are turn of the century mother of pearl buttons I found - I'm still figuring out the perfect way to fasten these. The upper right is a glasses case inspired by one I made in 6th grade that I am STILL using. The pouch on the left was meant for those extra large glasses. The coin purse/business card holders in the middle are being played around with. I'm thinking zippers and I need to add a lining. More to come!

tea tour 2009 & gay bingo

2009-03-29T13:10:00.001-07:00

I had such a great Seattle day yesterday. My friend Ash invited a handful of folks on a tea tour. Seattle has lots of tea places and I've been back in to tea quite a bit lately, so I signed right up. The schedule:

1st stop: Ash's house for bisquits & gravy and/or strawberries
2nd: the Panama Hotel Tea House at 6th & Main in the International District - an incredible place. We started with the lychee black tea - I wasn't sure I'd be in to either - but it was delicious. And the place has some amazing history. I would have been fine staying there for the day, but we had to move on - lots of tea out there to taste!
3rd: World Spice Merchants on Western by the Pike Place Market. This was more a spice joint, but on the lower level they had the bulk teas out - I don't think they normally have people come in for tea, but a guy there made us a pot of white tea (I think), was very nice, and gave us GIANT mugs to drink out of. We hung out there on some old stinky couches and debated whether or not all green tea comes from one plant (turns out, it does - along with oolong, black, white, and pu-erh, which I found out about at a later stop). All in all it was a nice stop (although I did get a semi-dirty cup that I had a hard time getting over. It's obvious they generally brew tea only for themselves and not for customers) - some folks bought spices (which looked amazing and I'll go back for), then we headed into the market.
4th: Vital Leaf Tea - this was an amazing place I've passed SO many times in the south end of the market but never realized what a gem it was. We sat down at a long, low bar and the bartender (teatender?) immediately began serving us various teas in thimble-sized tea cups (quite a switch from the stop before). I couldn't begin to name them, but we drank another lychee tea (a little sweeter this time), many many black teas, and herbal teas. I have no idea the number of thimbles I drank, but it was an incredible experience that I'd recommend to anyone who likes teas. I left with a new teapot (with a cool plunger design), the knowledge that you need to rinse black teas and only steep some of them for a second or so, and an ounce of lychee tea.
5th: Remedy Teas - the pièce de résistance. I had heard about this place in Capitol Hill - it's even better than what I expected from all of the hype. We started out with a white tea, then had a matcha shot (the tea version of the wheat grass shot). But that's just part of it. The wall behind the counter lists at least 140 types of teas you can order in bulk. The menu is ginormous and intimidating, but I am determined to conquer it. I ordered 2 green teas and 2 rooibos (which I learned I had been pronouncing wrong - it's 'roy-bos'). The absolute beauty of this place, besides the scrumptious tea, is the labels. After the crash course in teas all day I was definitely concerned that I would not know what to do with the tea. How long do I steep? How many times can I use the leaves? And then the final kicker, What temperature water do I need to use? Well Remedy Teas is brilliant and put all of that info on the package for you. I happily walked out of there with my teas and instructions.

Next we all went to the Elysian for dinner. I was so hopped up on tea that I was in dire need for food. We had a not-so-great waitress but the food did not disappoint, as usual. I opted out of drinking beer (which is a hard thing to do at the Elysian) because C and I were heading to Gay Bingo to table for Camp Ten Trees. I ran Gay Bingo from 2002-2004 so it's always fun to go see how much it's changed, the vibe, etc. It's changed a lot, and it's no longer how I would ever run it, but it does well, everyone has a blast, and it raises money for a great cause. The funny part is the host was Geisha Star, the very drag queen that used to live directly across from me in Capitol Hill. We both lived on the third floor of mid-century buildings and both had windows down the full length of the apartments. Neither of us ever closed our blinds, and I'd see her getting ready, putting on makeup for shows, and rehearsing numbers with her backup dancers in her living room. I loved it, and I'm sure she knew many of us across the street could see her dancing. It was great press. This was the first time I had actually seen her perform outside of her apartment, and she did not disappoint!

So ends the incredible Saturday adventures of this Seattle girl. I can't wait for the reunion tour.

kitchenette treasure

2009-03-26T14:57:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THIS. There is an antique store by my apartment (Antika) that has an entire room of Kitchenettes and other vintage kitchen treasures. As someone who has always lived in small places with small kitchens, looking at all this compartmentalized storage gets me giddy.

The one in the picture isn't actually the one I would purchase, if I had the money to purchase one. Others in the store have tons more little drawers with labels for sugar, spices, and so many other things. So fun!

old seeds in coffee filters

2009-03-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

I hate the idea of throwing away old seeds, but I also dread planting rows of hopeful vegetables just to find that none of them are going to grow.

My earlier project inspired me to find more seeds to plant, but most if not all of my vegetable seeds are several years old. I don't want to waste anytime in our p-patch, and I don't want to use my limited amount of small growing pots. In a moment of recycling genius (not mine - I read about it here), I remembered we have coffee filters for a machine we no longer own, and plenty of ziplocks.

Each bean (I had six different packets) has it's own filter/baggie, then I taped the packet to each and set them up on top of the fridge. Hopefully we'll get some (and not hundreds) of bean plants. Stay tuned!

We should garden like our life depends on it. Because it does.

Sunday 3/22 update: the filters had seemed to dry out this morning, so we opened up the ziplocks to check. They were still a tiny bit damp, but clearly the beans soaked up a lot of the water. Meaning, the beans are probably still living organisms, meaning we may end up with a TON of bean plants. We sprayed a little more water in each and put them back on top of the fridge.

Thursday 3/26 update: I opened up one of the bean bags and it smelled AWFUL. So, I got rid of that one. The peas aren't doing anything and there may be potential for one on the bean bags to do alright. I am no longer feeling like a genius. At least not for this endeavor.

May update: the beans molded and the basil got aphids. So much for that project!

tiny basils and thyme

2009-03-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

Earlier I was transplanting some tiny basils and thyme - I've never been able to get them past the leggy baby stage, so this is always a bit of a trying experience. They seem so fragile and unlikely to reroot. I try every year anyway, never changing my methods but hoping that maybe this year is going to be the one.

For the first time I'm utilizing a grow light, of sorts. I found a tray and put them up on the mantel right next to a arm-hinged lamp - it currently only has a full-spectrum light in it but I'm wondering if that'll work...

Then I planted some old cilantro seeds directly into a chipped glass I was wondering what to do with - I want to see for once how much water is actually getting down to through the soil. Plus it'll be fun to watch the roots grow a little bit.

As I was doing all of this it struck me what a delicate job it is to transplant such a vulnerable plant. I loved every minute of it and fell for each of those plants - I'm really going to be disappointed if they don't grow. I am starting new seeds this afternoon though, so I'll have more opportunities to try...

Later: Just added to the mantel (not pictured) - tiny thyme and parsley seeds.

procrastination station

2009-03-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

I got to work this morning and there was an article about a local artist who makes her own clothes (and has a clothesline) out of recycled clothing, which is something I started playing around with a few months ago. That was only the beginning. That led me to etsy.com, where I can get lost for days. I love my job - I do, but my focus lately has so much been on creating clothes, gardening and other crafty things. I wish it was possible for me to spend my days creating things, both indoors and outdoors, then blogging about the resources I find along the way. Wait - don't people do this?

bike rides and seed bombs

2009-03-14T17:02:00.000-07:00

Last night C and I had dinner with two friends we've known forever but never see - we haven't been social much this winter and it was such a nice night. Good food, good friends and conversation - and we got to see their new house, which is this charming 1920s boxcar-like house in West Seattle, which is an area I keep finding myself in lately - I'm definitely intrigued by the neighborhood...

So this morning we slept in then headed to a brunch for a local organization I just found out about called the Nature Consortium. Their mission is "to teach environmental lessons through the creative arts and hands-on conservation projects." They produce a youth art program, an urban forest restoration project and the Arts~in~Nature Festival, and I was so impressed! There was as amazing youth spoken word artist and the projects and classes they do are pretty incredible. It was inspiring.

When we got home we made lunch and started talking about our land. C had all these very specific ideas so we sat down and he drew out what he visualizes when he sees our land. I never knew he had such specific ideas - it was so fun to hear about. I started reading the how-to-layout-your-land section of the book, "Back to Basics," then we got distracted with thinking about our p-patch. We put air in our bike tires and rode the 11 or so blocks in the wind & rain. It felt truly amazing.

So the bikes were fun - and it was just warm enough today to be able to be outside in the garden (with long johns and rain coats, that is). We worked on removing the 6-12" of grass that's grown into the plot along the border, put down some organic fertilizer (on the half of the garden that was ready for it), and planted carrot seeds and pole beans. The seeds were a bit old, so we'll see what happens with that. And I'm pretty sure the soil is too cold. We'll see. Anyway I can't WAIT until the summer when we're able to harvest, although in the meantime it's already been really fun!

We came back just as it was getting dark (7:30!!), made dinner and are about to watch a movie. Not a bad day at all.

The title of this post includes seed bombs, which I did not participate in today. But I am currently scheming ways to use up my older seeds in neglected neighborhood plots, and have been trying to figure out a stealth way to remove the scotch broom tree on the corner house near the park. Stay tuned..

the travelin' train & elections

2008-11-07T06:20:00.000-08:00

I'm loving my job, I do like to travel, but honestly it's starting to wear me out. Gone two weeks, back one. Gone 2 1/2 weeks, back one. Gone 10 days, back one week. Gone five days, back five days, gone four days, back a month, gone a week. This has been my schedule since September and will go through the new year. It's too much! And I work for a conservation organization concerned with low-impact practices, not to mention my own mission to reduce my "eco-footprint" on the world. So here I am, the last full day on the east coast for a while, planning out my next year, with a new goal to reduce the amount of traveling I do. Step one: stop doing trainings all over the country. When at all possible, I need to be able to train in Seattle, or at least much closer to home. Not always possible, but as long as I have the control over this, why not try?

In other news, it's been hard to be on the east coast away from friends and family during this historic election. I keep wanting to cry when I think of the possibilities. But I have to remember that I got swept up in this election - until fairly recently I felt that Obama and McCain were really just "different sides of the same coin." Which still remains to be proven wrong. But what if it's true? What if my parents can finally get affordable health insurance that doesn't force them to continue working when they should really get to enjoy a long-deserved retirement? What if my friends and family finally get legal rights to marry and have kids? Even with recent losses, I believe it is possible during this next administration.

I'm excited to have these conversations tomorrow night with my friends & family, back on my turf, with my husband, in our apartment. Home is indeed where the heart is.

back to Seattle plan

2008-10-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

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Here's my plan so far to drive back to Seattle after our cruise. Stop to see Joy & Tom perform, maybe stop to see Tana, but otherwise straight up to Seattle. Should be a bit tiring!

back on the blogger train

2008-09-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

SO glad to be home. I was at the Grand Canyon for the past two weeks running corps member training. What an amazing place, a ton of work, and inspiration. Too tired to write now but hopefully will get back on this blogger train.

Oh, and I'm off to go on my honeymoon in less than a week! Too excited - a road trip from Seattle to San Diego, visiting friends and amazing places along the way, then going on a cruise - yep a cruise. To Mexico, and I'm actually pretty damn excited about it.

new plan - WATER

2008-07-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

Riparian Ecology

- work in streams, rivers, lakes - basically freshwater focus
- OSU has a water conflict management and transformation graduate certificate
- somehow work out youth/water/teaching. what about starting up a regional SCA program?
- border ecology, not as much salmon restoration (but maybe)

resources:
water.oregonstate.edu/projects/waterconflict.htm
www.wsu.edu/swwrc/SalmonIndex.html
http://www.treesfoundation.org/affiliates/specific-20

east coast travelin'

2008-06-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

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This is where I've been since last Friday: Boston-Providence, RI-Pomfret, CT-Middletown, CT-Boston, MA>Charlestown, NH-Concord, MA-HOME

I started out in Boston, getting there Friday night and stayed at a youth hostel - it was not great, just a bed to sleep in. The next morning I got out of there by 8am and headed to Providence, RI (I had some time to kill). Turns out the Providence Pride parade was happening, although I got there too early so I just got breakfast and sat in the park watching everyone set up their booths.

Sat: Then on to Pomfret, CT, where I hooked up with Joy & Tom, who were performing at the Vanilla Bean Cafe there that evening. We hung out all day, went to the show (which was great - I always love seeing them play!), then we went and camped at a nearby campground. It was great to see the two of them - I probably spent more quality time with the two of them in CT than I have over the last year or two in Seattle (which was ridiculous since we lived quite close to each other). Camping was great! Strange camping occurances: there were weird animal moaning noises in the woods as we sat at the campfire - Joy was convinced they were zombies and I was sure it was a bear. At one point we practically tripped over each other trying to run to the bus, afraid the zombies/bear were sure to get us. Then there was a mammoth and gorgeous moth flying around the lantern - I took lots of pictures, then left it alone, only a few minutes later it jumped in the fire and commited suicide. It was crazy to watch - the wings just sort of melted and there was no trace of it just a few minutes later.

Sun: The next morning I headed to see my cousin Katherine and her family in Middletown, CT. It was great to see them - I haven't really spent time with her since we were in high school, even though we essentially grew up together. It was fun - we went for a bike ride, got caught in a terrential downpour/thunderstorm (I miss thunderstorms!), Mike then made us lunch, then I had to go to meet my boss in Boston. Not enough time but it was still great to see them.

Sun - Wed: Onto Boston, where I met up with my boss, then drove with him to Charlestown, NH, SCA headquarters. We spent three days there, meeting with various staff to get ready for Fall teams and the coming year. All in all it was a really beneficial visit, and I feel like I know a little more about how to do my job correctly.

Wed - Thurs: We came to Concord to meet up with one of my SCA summer teams. I wish I had more time here - Concord/Lexington is hugely historic and I have hardly seen a thing. Walden Pond is only 4 miles away and I won't even have seen it. I got sick this morning and ended up staying at the hotel today, while my boss went to work in the field with the team and then went kayaking. Damn! Can't catch a break, although I'm glad I stayed to sleep.

Tomorrow is Friday and I leave to go back home. It feels like months since I was home last.

Sunshine Moments

2008-06-11T16:40:00.001-07:00

One week in Long Island for corps member training - check.
Three days in the Tri-Cities visiting all my in-laws - check.
A stolen moment hanging out with my husband on the beach - finally, check.

greenhouse research

2008-05-25T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm researching greenhouses - I'm home alone this weekend so that explains my numerous posts today. Anyway I'm researching and I found a link to dome greenhouses (link on the right). Sounds good, looks pretty cool, don't know the cost yet but I found this picture and I'm sold! Notice the little sitting area in the back. Amazing. And I can't wait.

Another really cute greenhouse is from Marston & Langinger - easy to google.
Another link: http://www.igcusa.com/hobby-greenhouse-pride-of-the-pacific.html

get junk food out of schools

2008-05-25T15:08:00.000-07:00

Another fund-raiser - write a letter (the kid writes it, if they wish) stating why it would be important to switch to healthier vending machines at school. Ask for money to support this - how much will it cost to buy one of these? See if the school will match any of it, and send the letter to every parent in the school. Maybe it'll work!

http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=877

connecting kids to charitable giving

2008-05-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

I love having this blog - and the computer from work that makes me able to add something here almost whenever I want to. This might end up being the website that I've wanted for so long. A place to post resources, websites, all the things that I don't want to forget. It's fabulous!

But onto the subject title: I just read something in Domino magazine that gave me an idea. They suggested having your kid save up to donate money to a wildlife organization. The kid sends $25 to a wildlife foundation for Africa and receives a "plush toy" in return.

A way to make this better: bring your kid to the zoo - possibly do your own research into your local zoo. The one in Seattle does a decent job at educating their visitors with signs that include many details on the animals, their domain, and usually reasons as to why they are in danger. So your kid connects to a particular animal, decides he/she wants to help feed or house (or pay for good staff that will take care of the animal), donates x amount of dollars, and gets the satisfaction of sharing some of her/his good fortune to help others. This can be done with any type of organization, really - not just for wildlife. In fact - how about they designate $25 every year to go toward an organization of their choice? And the kid can write a letter about what the money is for, why it was raised, etc.

The hope is that from a very young age your children have a connection and compassion for all living things, and also the idea that we're all part of the earth cycle - we all depend on each other for something, whether it be clean air, subsistence, or a little extra cash.

road tripping

2008-05-12T13:54:00.000-07:00

We're going on a cruise to mexico for our honeymoon in october. i really want to make it a road-trip to get down there, so I've come up with this:

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travel itch is a bitch

2008-05-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

I've been itching to travel lately. Even move away from Seattle. It's spring, so it's not totally unusual for me to be in this mood, but I keep being reminded of road trips, and how much I'd like to be on one. But what about C's job? He won't take a month to go on a road trip with me. Then we're talking about having a baby - I might be pregnant next summer. (!) So when will I get to go on a road trip? I still think it'd be amazing to drive down to San Diego before we go on the honeymoon cruise that Molly gave us. I'd love to take a week to get down there.

Then there's work, which I should be doing now. Speaking of...

Healthy Choices 2008

2008-05-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday - I started my Healthy Choices 2008 commitment today - eating pretty well and drinking MUCH more water. I gave up coffee on Tuesday and replaced it with green tea. It's working out! I'm not exhausted, and it feels good to not be tied to the coffee pot. Oh! And big change - I convinced Cristopher to toss out our TV. We still have a little one but it's not hooked up to the cable, so only DVDs can be watched. And now nothing but a stereo (well, and a computer) are in our living room. Funny - tonight we were making dinner and when I thought of the fact that we weren't going to set up in the living room and watch something while we ate, I actually panicked. What will we DO? So we sat at our table which we rarely do, ate some delicious pork tacos then got up to do other things.

nostalgia & my first rock crush

2008-05-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

Yep! I saw Duran Duran last night. So much fun! They played lots of new stuff and some fantastic oldies, which made me so happy. One of their newer songs (OK, it came out in '95, but it seems new to me) has gotten me in a trance of sorts - it's Ordinary World. The lyrics are heart-wrenching.

starlings

2008-04-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

I run in this well spinning spinning fast in circles up the wall, falling to the dirt floor when momentum fails me. Starting over again not giving up four years now, smoothing the brick so my path isn't so bumpy. A rope & bucket - was it here before? I grab hold and climb - the circle of sky is expanding Light hits my face and I nearly fall from the shock of it. My feet are on thick green grass and I run. Cartwheels! Like I didn't have legs before now. So long since I've seen these spirits I swoop them all up and we all run together Up trees, on rocks in rivers, examining worldpools and laughing at the poetry of it all.

Something yellow is up the road - starry light explosion propelling the golden beast that I now realize is a bus. I chase it like a puppy thrilled with this game - singing loud to the music surrounding me. I am out of breath and lay down in the lush grass to listen to the music, the wonders around me warming me from within as the bus gets smaller and smaller until it disappears in the sun.

On different same journeys.

your girl

They're Coming to Your Town

2008-04-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

I found Julia Sweeney's blog yesterday. It was one of the spotlighted blogs on my main blogger page. It was interesting! She's an environmentalist, her mom lives in Spokane, she's in LA doing a comedy (i assume?) show with Jill Sobule...I don't know who she is but I went to her blog and found her link of the day: They're Coming to Your Town

Really? What people spend their time on...

motivationally challenged

2008-04-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

1. remove big TV from home - no TV this summer!
2. count-down till May 1st: 22 days (!)
3. admire stylish green clothing designs (see right)

carkeek stroll

2008-04-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

I got distracted by taking pictures today and almost got blocked in by the rising tide (and ended up landing on my already-broken knees as I slid on slimy rocks while trying to race the water). Lesson #1 in reclaiming my love for the outdoors: Pay Attention!

Boise & Babies

2008-04-04T23:16:00.001-07:00

It's Friday night and I just got back from project leader training in Boise. I met all six of my project leaders for my program, and I'm left feeling exhilarated. It's the dream job I was hoping for, with so much possibility. There's been lots of shit over the last four months, but meeting everyone - all the pls, plus the boise and charlestown staff was great. Everyone is so nice, and it's great to have faces to all the people I have been talking with all this time.

I'm going to be learning to lead better by encouraging others to lead better. I'm so excited - not to mention how much I'm absorbing and learning as I go. I'm inspired - I want to do the best jop and be fantastic support for these people. And I already feel like I've learned from them as well. They are going to teach me how to be a better leader, while they look to me to do the same. How cool is that?

I'm liking traveling too, but tonight's flight SUCKED. It was really bumpy the whole way - I get so ridiculous - I felt like I was going to die, kept mantras going like "smooth," and "I'm on a train, the tracks are bumpy," trying to remember the Chicago trains I rode when I commuted. I was next to an older man from Madrid - he's the VP of Nicklaus Something or Other, Jack Nicklaus the golfer's companies. He also owns two golf courses, too, one in the South of Spain and one on an island in the mediterranean. Crazy. He was nice though, and helped me get through the rough flight.

I had a great walk in Boise along the greenbelt - a path behind the hotel along the snake river. You walk out of the hotel in the back, and if you turn left and walk 45 minutes on the paved path you are in downtown Boise. To the right is almost immediately a dirt/sand path, very windy with frequent small sandy and rock beaches. It was so pretty - very peaceful. It inspired me to walk more. I'm also really thinking about having kids in the Fall, so I'm especially getting motivated to get my body in shape for carrying a child.

Speaking of babies, Becky is pregnant! She's due in November - Matt called me today. I'm so happy for them both. Jenny's also due any day now - the 16th I believe. New babies in the family!

m

one day i'll do great things

2007-06-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

I say this to myself often, but it's a horrible mentality to have. I should be, and am, doing great things now. It's the "grass is always greener" way of thinking that makes me unfulfilled and insecure about myself.

I was in a conversation with Brian & Derrin this week about bigfoot (we were camping on Camano Island), that lead to talking about other worldly things (like dimensions - could something like bigfoot actually exists right here with us now but in a separate dimension?), then about the pyramids and how no one knows how they were built, that there were sightings of something similar on Mars, then finally (and to my point), how December 21, 2012 was prophesized as the day the earth blows up, due to a certain planetary alignment during winter solstice that day. The Mayans apparently predicted this, and since they successfully predicted numerous other disastrous world-events of the near and far past, this is a pretty big deal to a whole lot of people.

So I'm thinking, if the world does blow up in just five years, that doesn't give me a lot of time to get to the point of doing great things. For some it takes a lifetime, and what the hell does "great things" mean, anyway? Being well-known? I'll just assign myself that question: How do I define the great things in life that I want to accomplish?

rearing its ugly head

2007-05-15T10:45:00.000-07:00

I'm presenting my senior project at the UW Spring Celebration today. It's for the work I do at camp. A few weeks ago, I sent the summer staff application to the lists that I'm on, in hopes of finding staff for this summer's sessions. I emailed the queer center, my major's listserv, and the listserv for the grant I received, for which I am presenting today. I received a response from a guy on the grant listserv, quote:

"Why am I receiving this queer propaganda? Through what deranged thought processes does one conclude that a random recipient may be interested in further disseminating or participating in the fag agenda? I demand to be removed from your mailing list! That is all. "

That was the entirety of it, but it freaked me out. I emailed the grantor director and told her that I sent it b/c I thought the list was a safe place, and I thought they should know that I received such a hateful email. She, and her co-worker, called him in to talk to him about using the listserv for such awful communication. So now he knows I turned him in. That was a couple of weeks ago. This week I got an email then a phone call from the grantor director's assistant, wanting to make sure I was feeling OK. She also said that when the director spoke with him face-to-face, she felt very uncomfortable with him. "He has some very strong opinions on the matter." Well yes, that's obvious.

What freaks me out is that I've never directly been hit like this. Sure, I've been called some mean things, but I've never really felt threatened. But in today's climate, with a woman recently murdered in my building (not at all homophobia related - it was domestic violence to the extreme), I'm feeling very vulnerable. I have no protections today at this event, and I will be standing at my table with my big gay poster, feeling very exposed. Chances are I'll be absolutely fine, but you just never know with people like this. He could be full of hot air, or he could be one of the extremists who thinks all gay people should die. Who knows? All I know is that I'm really looking forward to being done with this presentation. It's been a slap-in-the-face reminder that people will hate me just for the company I keep.

It's a reminder to be careful, but also to be bold...to not shrink back into my shell because of fear. I can't let people like this break me. It's a reminder that what I do for the kids at our camp is in the hopes that they will not have to face such ugly people as this guy. But if they do, they will hopefully have the confidence in themselves to not believe such horrible things - to know they are incredible people, worthy of love and admiration. We are all survivors because we choose to live well in spite of the hate out there.

it's complicated

2007-05-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

"Life gets complicated." It’s what you hear as a kid, what your parents tell you when they’re trying to convince you to enjoy life now, "cuz it only gets harder." I didn’t get it then, of course, but I’ve recently had moments where that phrase is actually a comfort. It’s a reminder to me that life gets complicated for everyone as they grow older, not just me.

I’m 33, almost 34, and am going to get my first bachelor’s degree in a month and two days. I first went to college right after high school, when I moved from the suburbs of Chicago to the city. I only lasted a semester, and was much more devoted to my newfound freedom as a city girl. So I left school and worked at a record shop downtown for a year. It was my biggest coming-of-age year, one of drama, partying, and feeling invincible. But I burned out of it quickly, and the next year moved back in with my folks and went to community college. It really wasn’t that different from living in the city, except a little safer. I still hung out with a lot of friends (lots of them went to the same community college), going to shows, parties, movies, etc. I liked going to school, too, especially my last quarter which was one outdoor living course that involved the same 20 students the whole quarter, sharing classes in biology, psychology (basically group-therapy once a week), and social studies, all the while taking two trips a week either hiking, canoeing, rock-climbing, or some other outdoor activity. Our "final" was driving out to Utah to backpack through the canyonlands for 8 days.

After that quarter, which cemented my love for travel and the outdoors, I transferred to southern Illinois to attend a four-year college. The school was in a small college town, surrounded by a very large, beautiful national forest that would become my home away from home for two years while I majored in Geology, then Early Childhood Education. I loved the idea of teaching kids about the environment, and wanted to learn how to teach the required material in an outdoor setting. My teachers hated the idea though, and I got really frustrated with getting Cs on lesson plans that I had worked so hard on, so I dropped out.

I lived with my parents for a few months then moved up to Ann Arbor, Michigan to live with my sister while she went to grad school. I was a nanny and worked at a bookstore. I lived there 15 months. I was restless at that point and moved out to San Francisco to live with several of my college friends. I looked for a place to live for three months – during that time I lived with anywhere from 4-13 roommates in four bedroom flat with no living room, often sleeping on the roof of the next building, as it was just outside our kitchen window. I got fed up quickly with those living arrangements and moved to Arcata, CA, "where the redwoods meet the ocean." That’s how I describe it, anyway. It’s a progressive, laid-back college town and I loved it. I lived, played and worked in the woods, but couldn’t find a job. I lived there for just over a year, working first at a jewelry factory, then at the California Conservation Corps, which I aged out of at age 24. In August 1997 I flew back to Chicago for my cousin’s wedding, and ended up staying for nine months while working at an internet service provider, my first well-paid job. I didn’t see Arcata again for almost two years.

After my Chicago stint I moved out to Seattle. I did my research first, and looked for a place with reasonable housing and employment opportunities. Plus, my sister and several college friends lived there, so it was an all-around smart move. In May 1998 I arrived in Seattle. This story is a particularly long one, so to sum it up: I got a job with an internet marketing firm, stayed there for 3+ years. I hated it like mad, and left my $41,000/year job to make $11 as a data entry clerk for the local AIDS service agency. I found my calling in non-profit work, and stayed there for almost four years, having moved from data entry, to financial clerk, to special events manager. I wanted to grow in my non-profit work but wanted 1) to get out of fundraising (too much pressure!), and 2) focus more on environmental issues. I left my job to return to school to get my undergraduate degree. I paid my way through loans, doing odd fundraising & non-profit jobs, grants/scholarships, and landscaping/gardening.

I swore I would try my best not to work while I was in school. I didn’t care about loans, I just wanted to return to school and do my absolute best, without anything to distract me. Well it turns out that’s not such an easy thing to ask for. This goes back to the "Life is Complicated" saying I’m so fond of. In the beginning of my senior year, an organization I have volunteered with since 2001 was in trouble. The last of the founders left, and the remaining staff person was half-way out the door. It looked like this organization I loved so much would have to close it’s doors. I wanted to help, and felt like I had the skills to get this org back on track. I also needed to choose a senior project, so I proposed stepping in to be office manager, and to help create a sustainable organizational structure, so that the livelihood of the org would no longer rest on just one person’s shoulders. This organization has several very devoted volunteers, some of which are my good friends. These friends also wanted to help, and stepped in to join some of the committees, as well the advisory committee, the governing body of the org.

We started with zero dollars in the bank and power struggles between new and old volunteers. We all seem to know what’s best for the org, and have all felt at some time or another that we are spending the most amount of energy and time on this work. We all feel underappreciated, overworked, and unbelievably stressed out. This has been the hardest work I’ve ever done, not only in the actually org work but in the challenge it has presented to me in holding on to my friendships. All of this, and I’m also finishing my degree. It’s my last year, and I’ve neglected so much of my homework. I’ve only done what it takes to get by – I’ve missed as many classes as possible without getting into trouble with the professors. My major is student-lead, community-focused major, and I’ve skipped most meetings and activities related to governing the program. I’ve been distant from everyone, because I don’t have time to be close to anyone. So a few months ago I informed the advisory committee that I would be taking the months of May and June off of the committee, so I could focus on finishing my degree in a way to be proud of.

That was hard for me, and I kept taking on more tasks, well after my "last day" of being the primary office person. I decided to attend the committee meetings, and stay on the sub-committee I was co-chairing, but not take on tasks related to the overall governance of the camp. I thought I was setting boundaries around this, but then suddenly I would be taking on something else that took a large amount of time, and I didn’t know how I got there. I wasn’t able to say no. I realized that I shouldn’t be at these meetings. I had two choices; I could sit there and, as tasks were being delegated, say no, and be the asshole that wouldn’t do anything. The other choice was to not be there at all. I would still be the asshole, but we’d be spared the weekly rising tension and across-the-table glaring. The problem is, these are my friends. We get mad at each other, say hurtful things, and get so caught up in ourselves that we no longer treat each other in a friendly way.

Another cliche is "whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." Not that I feel like this work can literally kill us, but it certainly could kill a few friendships. If we get through this, we’ll be all the stronger in the long-run. But right now, it seems a lot easier to say "screw this" and walk away. Instead, I need to figure out how to balance friendships and professional relationships in an organization in crisis mode 100% of the time.

So this morning, Sunday, my favorite day, I woke up early and came into the kitchen to clean. I turned on This American Life and had a moment. One that need a little background:

In 1995 I went on Dead tour. It was my last summer in southern Illinois, and I was 22. My friends Joe and Ingrid and I drove to Colorado to visit friends and see a show, then onto Las Vegas, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, then back to Colorado. We had stayed in the desert, mountains, and cities, mostly camping and crashing on floors and couches. San Francisco was our last show, and we ended up staying at Joe’s sister’s friend’s house. She was away on business, but left her key under the mat for us to live there for the three days of our stay. She lived near Golden Gate Park, near the bay, and I remember the warm, summer air smelling a little salty but fresh. We took turns on the feather bed, watched cable, and were welcome to anything in the house. The moment I remember the most was when I was cooking a meal, maybe breakfast? It was a sunny day, and there was a warm breeze coming from the window over the sink. The real moment was when I reached up to find some salt & pepper (or some other ingredient) and saw her spice cabinet for the first time. I had never seen such a thing before. She had the typical plastic spices that my mother had, but also jars full of bulk spices, saffron in an ornate glass container, and lots of small plastic bulk bags. It was the first time I saw bulk spices, and I thought, "This is independence." To me, the spices in that cozy apartment represented choice, curiosity, and adulthood, and I wanted it.

So today, I started cleaning my kitchen, all the while stressing over something my friend said to me at the office yesterday – one of those things that left me disappointed and hurt. I was hating how these things happen so frequently lately, stressing over how I should address it, if at all, what am I doing wrong, why doesn’t anyone trust me, like me, respect me, and I had my moment. I was standing in my bright kitchen, cleaning a counter, listening to This American Life, and I was somehow reminded that this is still the life that I wanted 12 years ago in that girl’s kitchen. I made it here all on my own, and it’s a good apartment. I live here with my boyfriend, who is the best person to ever have come into my life. We share this, but for the sake of this moment it is mine. I got myself here, and I am so proud of everything I have accomplished. I will learn from this experience this I’ve learned from all the others that got me here. It is the complications of life that have helped me grow and become a better person everyday. This is what I need to remember, because once I remember, everything comes into perspective, and I can see the beauty in the day again.